A case of husband and wife quarreling

As-salaamu ’alaykum,

I had lost my temper at my wife, and said a few things. 

Throughout my yelling at her, I did not intend, even for a split second, anything related to divorce. However, my wife pointed out to me that what I had said may count as allusive words of divorce, or kinaya. I seek your urgent clarification in the matter. Here are the details:

• During my yelling at my wife, I did not at all intend for divorce at any time, not for even a moment.
• When my wife pointed out that the things I have said may be considered as allusive/kinaya words, I was most surprised because up until she mentioned it, the thought of giving her a divorce did not occur to me even for a single moment.
• I did not utter the words “divorce” or “talaq” at any time.
• I was angry at her, and yelled at her saying “Go to him..” pause.. “Go to him.. I can tell you where he lives”.. By this I was referring to a brother whom we both know. My intention for saying that was that as she was also upset with me, if she wanted someone to talk to she could go to him. I did not at all mean in the sense of “you go live with him or marry him”. The thought of her not remaining my wife did not occur to me even for a single moment. I said “go to him” only with the meaning that “If I am not a good friend, and my wishes do not mean much, then how about you go to him, as in the past (before our marriage) you have found him a good friend to you to confide with in times of hardship.” There was no connotation of divorce in my thought at all. 
• To my knowledge, I said “go to him” twice, while my wife says I said it at least 3 times. 
• My yelling continued and a minute later I said to her in the context of cooling off our heads (as we both were upset with each other), that “You go live with your mother, and I will go to my parents house.”… I did not at all think of it as divorce, but rather as a temporary solution to cool off. 
• Still within that, in my mind, it was not a command, it was more like, “My suggestion is that you (can) go to your parents’ place to cool off, and I go to my parents’ place to cool off.”
• Given all of the above could you kindly clarify if divorce of any kind has taken place?

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

الجواب حامدا ومصليا ومسلما

For divorce to be valid when using indirect words (kinayah), it is necessary for one to intend divorce at the time of uttering such words. Thus, in the aforementioned scenario, divorce has not taken place. 

والله اعلم

Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala knows best.

Omar Baig 

Approved by Mufti Husain Ahmad Madani