How to deal with misbehaving children

As-salaamu ’alaykum,

My eldest son is 11 years old. He is having behavioral problems at school and home because my husband lets our children have unlimited screen-time. When I try to put a two hour limit my husband interferes. My son says things to me like “I hate you, you’re crazy, you’re an idiot” to me. My husband doesn’t punish him and thinks it’s too harsh to take away his screen-time for his disrespect. We have been seeing my son’s guidance counselor weekly for 3 weeks and the guidance counselor thinks both my son and my husband have ADD, but my husband refuses to get tested. I am fed up with his and my son’s behavior and want a separation. I have asked my husband to go to his family’s house but he forces me to live with him and he is making my daily life with the kids miserable.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

الجواب حامدا ومصليا ومسلما

We are sorry to hear of your situation and we highly sympathize with you in your distress. Matters with one’s spouse and children can be very delicate and must be dealt with wisdom. Disrespect to one’s parents is a serious issue and must be handled with care. For your children’s sake, you should abstain from doing anything which will provoke them to dishonor either of their parents.

We advise you to exercise patience and gracefully explain to your husband that your children need the best of upbringing so that they will live a pleasant life while honoring their parents and maintain a strong connection with deen. Once the two of you come to common terms, in sha Allah you both can decide together, how to correctly deal with the problems your children are facing.

We strongly urge you to frequently make du’aa to Allah that he keeps your family in good health and connected with his deen, as well as protect them from anything harmful to their worldly life or their hereafter. However, if the problem continues to persist, you and your husband should see your local scholars and present it to them so that they can settle the matter. 

والله اعلم

Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala knows best.

Taha Abdulkareem

Approved by Mufti Husain Ahmad Madani